How to Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

Do you talk to yourself like someone you love? On the really bad days, sometimes we forget about our own needs and we treat ourselves like the enemy. The inner critic in our heads starts to send us into a spiral of negative self-talk.

This internal dialogue destroys us when we are having a hard time and need self-love the most!

On days like these, the first step is the remember to “talk to yourself like someone you love”, in the words of Brené Brown.

Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love Meaning

The mind is an amazing thing. It can either be your own best friend or your worst enemy! When things don’t go your way, your mind can either build you up, or give you a really, really hard time.

Talking to yourself like someone you love means using positive self-talk to build yourself up in the same way that you would if someone you love was going through a hard time.

We don’t always speak out loud when we talk to ourselves. But the words that we use (even if they are in our mind) make up the story we tell ourselves about the struggles and challenges that we face.

Choosing to speak positively about your strengths and areas for growth is an act of self-love that will help you overcome setbacks. By contrast, being critical of your failures will only keep you stuck in a cycle of negativity.

Helping A Loved One In Need

The idea of talking to yourself like someone you love is so effective because we have all helped a loved one in need at some point.

When one of your loved ones is going through a difficult time, it is unlikely that you would point out their flaws, ridicule them, and hold their failures over their heads for their whole life.

Think of the most important relationship you have. Imagine that person has just gone through a very difficult time and has just arrived at your house in need of comfort.

What would you do?

You would probably start by giving them a big hug. And you would probably tell them how much you love them.

You probably don’t even need to think too hard about how you would approach supporting this person. Being there for our loved ones when they need us comes so naturally. Because being supportive is what you do when you love someone!

Where’s the Self-Love?

But, when we make mistakes or experience failure ourselves, we are our own worst critics! We know our own flaws and strengths best, but for some reason it is a lot easier for our minds to only point out our flaws.

By contrast, if someone you love made a mistake or experienced a painful failure, the odds are that the first thing you would probably do is use kind words rather than hurtful words.

Instead of pointing out their flaws, you would probably help them remember their strengths. And instead of letting them accept that they are a failure, you would probably encourage them to get up and try again!

In most cases, showing compassion for a loved one in need is something that comes easy to us. So why is self-love so difficult? And why is it so hard to speak to ourselves with self-compassion?

How Can I Speak Compassionately To Myself?

Showing compassion is what we do when we express concern for others when they are facing a difficult time.

The word compassion means ‘suffering together’. It means recognizing that someone is experiencing pain, and then willingly feeling it with them with hopes of relieving some of it.

Compassion is what you offer to your loved ones who are going through a difficult time. You willingly take on the pain of someone you love so that you can help lessen it for them.

Self-compassion is doing this for ourselves. Self-compassion is the most important thing you need when you talk to yourself like someone you love. It is what happens when you recognize your own pain and choose to help relieve some of it.

Self-compassion is what we need to show ourselves when we feel like we are not good enough. It is the act of being kind to ourselves when things don’t go our way. And it is giving yourself grace when you make a mistake.

Compassion on its own isn’t always easy to give because it means being vulnerable. It means opening up your whole heart and feeling what someone else is feeling.

But when we love someone, showing compassion tends to be easier.

So why is it so hard to give to ourselves? Why do we waste so much time and energy on negative self-talk? And how can we start learning to speak to ourselves the same way we speak to those that we love?

How to Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

The best way to learn how to talk to yourself like someone you love is by picking on a few hurtful and negative self-talk examples that you can relate to.

Think of the lies that your mind tells you about yourself when things don’t go your way. Pick out a few of the things you tell yourself when you are feeling insecure about how you look. Or when you feel inadequate compared to people you follow on social media.

Below you will see a series of examples of common negative self-talk phrases people tend to use to bring themselves down.

As you read through each of these examples, think about how you would talk to someone you love who is going through a difficult time.

Picture your most important relationship and imagine yourself saying each of these things to that person. Then, read on to see how changing each of these negative comments into positive and supportive comments has a great impact!

How You WOULDN’T Speak to Someone You Love

• “That was probably the stupidest thing you have ever done. You really are stupid, you know?”
• “You are really fat. And you look terrible. Have you ever heard of exercising?”
• “You suck at everything. And you fail at everything you do! You’ll never be good enough!”

Would you say any of these negative things to your best friend, your spouse, or your child?

Of course not! Think of how hurt these people would be if you persisted with negative comments like these on a daily basis.

But, negative self-talk like this tends to be what cycles through our own minds most easily. How often do you sit back and praise yourself for trying your best? It is much easier to criticize the result than to praise the effort.

How You WOULD Speak to Someone You Love

Now let’s take a look at a different version of each of these comments. Imagine saying each of these to someone that you love who is in need of some compassion, love, and support.

• “Sure, you made a mistake, but you tried your best. And think of everything that you learned. Let’s give it another shot!”
• “I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling your best. Can I help you set a goal and stay accountable to yourself? I would love to be there for you.”
• “You are right, that isn’t one of your strengths. But, with more practice I know that you can master it. You can do anything you put your mind to!”

Notice how each of these statements builds up the person you love rather than tearing them down?

This is what we do for our loved ones when they are at their worst!

Imagine how great it would feel if you were able to call on this type of positive energy from your own mind any time you need it.

Using the positive version of each of these comments will have a great impact on your sense of self-worth when you are at your worst.

The inner dialogue that we choose to have with ourselves on our bad days can either propel the negative self-talk forward, or remind us that we can choose more positive self-talk.

So, next time you are going through a difficult time and the negative self-talk starts, show up for yourself. See what great things come from speaking to yourself the same way you would speak to your loved ones.

You Are Your Most Important Relationship!

Your most important relationship in your life is the one that you have with yourself.

If this sounds neglectful to others, the truth is that self love isn’t selfish. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself, the odds are that all of your other relationships will also suffer!

Your relationship with yourself is the one that you can always count on to build you up when the world tries to bring you down. But, you need to take control of the inner dialogue you have with yourself.

Next time you make a big mistake or face an embarrassing moment, dive head first into an act of self-love. Take yourself out for some good food like you would with a friend in need.

Choose to talk to yourself like someone you love. Because you are someone you love!

If you need more inspiration to take control of your self talk, check out our list of positive self-talk quotes!

Don’t forget to share this post with your friends and family on social media! If you know someone who beats themselves up during difficult times, this could be one of those blog posts that changes everything!

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